Apparently it's annual

As I've grown older (not old, just older), I have started to notice that I act in patterns. As much pride as I used to take in the hopes of being unique, original, and completely spontaneous, I've learned that, in fact I am quite a predictable person. My mother used to love to tell the story of how when I was 4 I had to take an aptitude test. During the test I got into an argument with the women administering the test over how "correct" I actually was over a question regarding fitting smaller squares into a larger square (I think my logic was pretty sound actually...). I'd love to say that a lot has changed in the 26 years since that argument, but those who know me see the comparison. I've always loved people and will always choose people over work, people over rest, people over exercise, people over... you get the point. I get restless. Every few years I think the answer must be to find something new, new friends, new places to live, new job, new dog. When I was in high school, I remember a trusted mentor asking me what I was running from, I wasn't sure what that meant then, but now as I realize the need to keep moving on might not be something "new" within in me, I have to ask myself that question again. Am I running? If so, then from what? From who? Is the answer always to move on and start over? These are questions that I ask, or at least questions that when I slow down enough to ask question, I ask.

When I was a teacher, we talked about course curriculum and development. As a religion teacher, the concept was to think of unit design based around questions. What central questions did you want your students to wrestle with throughout the year, what topics, what concerns, what questions would truly resonate with their experience and draw them deeper into themselves and the mystery of God. How to make their year motivated by questions. I've thought often on this, this realization that a life can be motivated on questions, not on answers. I have questions, I have so many questions, all across the spectrum of the basic and foundational who, what, when, why and then lastly... how? As I sit and write though, I am drawn into this notion that questions motivate, that questions guide and that questions have an effect. As I move through Holy Week, I want my prayers to be about questions, not about answers. This doesn't make much sense, I know. But as I realize the patterns in my life more deeply, the tendency to act upon answers I don't always trust, the feelings that every year I want to be a blog writer (notice the yearly posts), and the times where I skip over the questions and move straight to the conclusions, I hear a challenge to discover the questions, to appreciate the needs without assuming the answers. If God is mystery, then God must have a relationship with the question mark. This week, as Jesus keeps moving forward, I want to follow along in that manner, I want to pray, I want to ask, and I want to be content without knowing what is ahead....